This afternoon I was at a birthday party where my 7 year old was rock climbing. The tenacity of these kids was just awesome. They didn’t look down, only up and kept going till they got up that wall. There was one mom who turned to me and said her son was afraid of heights, but he still got up there. He reached a certain point, looked down, and decided, ok I’ve had enough, and came back down.
It reminded me of so many of us and the things we want and the fears that stop us literally, right before we get to the top and the magic happens.
I pursued musical theater in NYC for a good 10 years. I waited on line for cattle calls; I mailed headshots and resumes out, poured over the pages of Backstage, continued with classes, and voice lessons, and gave it everything I had. In return I got a whole lotta nothin. But I kept at it. Eventually, a connection through my church opened a door for me, which led to booking a musical that opened at the Apollo Theater. I toured with insanely talented people, got my equity card and came back to NYC waiting for the next BIG thing to happen, but it didn’t. I gave it another year, got an audition for Tracy in Hairspray, and then nothin. Crickets. I was so close to the top of that rock wall and I stopped. I had had enough of the climb.
When you love something as much I love to sing and act it’s truly heartbreaking when the world doesn’t seem to “let you do” what you love. So I took a beat and said, ok, it’s time to start a family and get going on the dream of motherhood I have always had. I don’t regret my decision to stop climbing the wall because it led me to my sons, Oliver and Charlie who I wouldn’t trade for all the show tunes in the world. BUT, there are days when I look back and think- did I stop right before the magic happened? Or was the magic the climb all along? I mean heck, Miley did write a whole song about it :) Are you so goal oriented that you are missing the fun and process of the climb? Or are you stopping yourself before you even get started? Think about it. Marinate on that one as it’s stirring up a lot for me.